Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
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he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.