Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.