We need to rekindle our bromance
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
