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I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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