porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
