You just made me feel so damn special
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
