I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.