Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
