There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.