there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
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