tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
