Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
