I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.