how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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