he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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