He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"