I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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