So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.