I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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