Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.