I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
