i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Christians are straight up FREAKS