I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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