R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
