Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
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Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
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Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?