I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Loading more great texts...