i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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