FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
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New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
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there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?