I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot