They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dignity is for republicans.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"