if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again