I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....