So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
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spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.