The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.