Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
