We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.