I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
