I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.