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You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
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