I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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