so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
