my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
