Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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