Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
