You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
