so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
