it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
