How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
birth control should be required to get into college
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
