After last night, I could never be a politician.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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