Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
