im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
