Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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