omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You ruined the universe
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
