"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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