Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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