I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
