booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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