apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
