If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
