I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
they need to just BURY HIM!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We're too hungover to prance.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
