Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
