White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
