...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
