Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
