Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
