I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
