Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
